This is truly awesome :D
I’ve known for a while that I’m an Introvert iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving personality type, but being able to read up more on it is truly interesting. I love it that I can read about what amounts to myself. I guess it’s true that the one thing everyone has in common is a love of themselves
Anonymous asked: Hey! I wanted to thank you for the writing tips you posted, as well as all the writing you've shared with us. I can't even begin to imagine how painful (to put it lightly) having PTSD must be. But, if I may say so, you've taken something horrendous and dutifully striven to make something beautiful out of it. College only lasts so long, and, just like a fine wine, it gets better with time. Keep going strong, Caitriona! We believe in you!
… I’m seriously in tears.
This made my life. I don’t know who you are, but thank you for sending me this. Knowing that even one person is reading and benefiting in any way makes all my efforts worth while.
Thank you. <3
I wear the cheese; the cheese does not wear me.
Two nights ago I attended a Pampered Chef party with my sister. This was the first time I had ever gone to one - possibly the last time, but we’ll see. It was… awkward. Other than an eleven or so year old girl who had come with her mother and seemed at home with these types of gatherings, I was the youngest and the only one who doesn’t cook much. Not to mention the only non-housewife among them. (I’m a college student who still lives on campus. Go figure.) So I mostly sat and listened to the older women exchange stories about cooking, their children, the various difficulties of keeping house, etc, etc. In the middle of it all, I was struck by a realization.
I am not ready to even imagine being married to anyone. Before I started college, and even during it, I was under the belief that I would meet my husband in college and either not graduate because I got married or graduate and then get married or get married and then graduate. Never did it occur to me that I might not. After all, I’m attending the “marriage mill on a hill” (so called because so many people from there marry each other) so it’s pretty much a given. It wasn’t until about a month ago that I found myself to be content and even excited by the idea of remaining single my entire college career, finding a house of my own, filling it with cats and books and working during the day at some job and writing when I could. Last night I realized that while I often whine about how no one is ever attracted to me, if someone asked me out right now, I would most likely decline.
Part of this is likely due to the fact that I also consider myself to be too unstable for a relationship right now - which is true. With the pressure of learning to cope with depression and anxiety while maintaining good grades and getting useful things done, putting the pressure of a boyfriend on myself would make only make things worse. If I can’t deal with myself, how can I deal with anyone else? I am simply not ready.
This is a change for me - after an unfortunate incident back in February, I was content to admit that I don’t need to be in a relationship but I still wanted one badly. Towards the end of the school year, I was slipping back into my previous “why won’t anyone date me? what’s wrong with me?” thinking and was regressing into the trap of believing that I won’t be whole without a special someone. Then I arrived in Kansas and the first thing I heard in church was a sermon on being content as you are. It was as though the first month and a half had been designed solely for me. At first I fought against it, as people do when they prefer to want something they cannot have, but slowly I started looking at the benefits of being single. Perhaps now I do not want to leave the comfort of singleness.
Of course, being human and a female, I get lonely and I still wonder if I will ever meet someone who will love me. Some days I hate myself, believing that I am simply too messed up and that I may as well get used to having boys run the other direction once they get past the pretty face (that sounds conceited.. is it?) and realize who I actually am and find out that I have a lot of problems. Those days are the ones where I find myself wondering if maybe I shouldn’t do something else to attract guys - go hang out in a bar or a club and see if anyone even notices me. Those days I hide the car keys, just in case.
Other days I tell myself that, yes, I’ll be single the entire time, but why should I torment myself by wanting what I’ll never have? Those days are a different kind of depressing.
Truth be told, I want to get married. I want to have a best friend like my married siblings do. But I see no reason to hurry it along, no reason to turn it into an obsession, no reason to idolize a relationship that will be broken and that will disappoint me as often as it makes me happy. Having someone to hold me at night, to cuddle with me, to kiss me, etc, would be wonderful. But so is spending Valentine’s Day with one of your girlfriends who is also single (here’s looking at you, iiriecadence!), so is watching the movies you want to see any time you want with anyone you want… it’s nice to get up in the morning and wander around with your hair a mess and no make-up on. It’s nice not worrying about eating onions or garlic. It’s nice not having to worry about if your boyfriend is mad at you or if he really likes your outfit (maybe he just wanted to make you feel good?) or if he’s checking out the cashier.
There will be someone who comes along and changes my mind. I believe that. But for right now, in this moment in time, I am content to stay as I am. Single, and happy about it. I just hope this feeling lasts.
Above the battle field so high
And soaring in the sun
Fly carrion birds across the sky
Above the men who run.
They run for battle and for lands
For families left behind
And run a race against the sands
Of the killer – Time
And as the war does onward rage
Death stalks the fields and streets
He takes boys’ lives at such young age
And stills the hearts’ wild beats
And what remains after the war
When all are dead and gone?
When men are old and stiff and sore
And life is all but done?
Yet hope remains while hearts are true
And glorious deeds will shine
And peaceful rest like morning dew
Shall ease the aches of time
I just love how this has progressed.
A PARTY IT IS, THEN
this is perfect
guys what’s happening
g u y s.
Oh my god what even just happened.
I just exploded.
The Doctor seemed lonely
WHAT IS HAPPENING
OH G O D ITS’S JFBACk
i do what i want
Viva la vida loki
OH MY GOD IT’S BACK AND IT’S EVOLVED
The evolution of this picture is just beautiful to behold… too beautiful not to reblog.
inkheartsilence asked: PREMIUM BEAUTIFUL PERSON! Once you receive this award, you are supposed to paste it into the ask of eight people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know that someone thinks you’re beautiful inside and out <3
I.. I just…. thanks… <3
inkheartsilence asked: Tag! You're it! The rules are to state 10 random facts about yourself. Then, go to ten blogs and tell them that they are it! :)
- I’ve been a writer since I was four - I would dictate stories to my mother and she would write them down.
- My original purpose in having a blog was to have someplace to write my thoughts. I never imagined that anyone would read it.
- My favourite celebrity is Tom Hiddleston <3
- I have never had a real boyfriend or been on a date
- I want to go to the British Isles after I get out of college.. or maybe before.
- I am a brony, a whovian, and a trekkie; I believe in Sherlock Holmes and know that Moriarty was real; and I am a member of Loki’s army. These are my fandoms.
- My last name was inspired by a character of P.G. Woodhouse’s.
- I plan on majoring in philosophy and psychology with a minor in music.
- I have PTSD
- This was the first thing anyone has asked me :D